Crikey. I am so lonely. Who would’ve thought it when I can’t even have a poo on my own? I’m always with someone, touching someone, being touched by someone, having someone sitting on me, feeding someone, wiping someone’s nose and very occasionally having sex with someone. And yet I have this bleak, honking loneliness. I Today I thought I knew someone at the new playgroup we were at. So I said ‘have we met before?’ in a friendly way. ‘No’. said the lady. And that was that.
But, Ziggler has started doing funny voices for people. I had a spider on my leg, and I shrieked. To diffuse the general panic, I started talking about how the spider has lost his mummy and daddy and sister and they lived outside so that’s why we had to put the spider back there (I’m kidding myself Ziggler hasn’t noticed and caught my fear of spiders). So Z started to do their voices. Daddy spider spoke, of course, deeply, in a double-chin pouty lip voice. ‘where’s Little Spider?’ he wondered. ‘I don’t know!’ squeaked Mrs spider. And baby spider’s lips moved but her voice was so quiet you couldn’t hear what she said at all.